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Fragments taken from:

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

"I still want to know why you were following me. You realise that it's hard for me not to see you in the role of an extremely sinister sort of a person."

"That's easily explained," said Dirk. "Usually I am. On this occasion, however, I simply got lost. I was forced to take evasive action by a large grey oncoming van which took a proprietorial view of the road. I only avoided it by nipping down a side lane in which I was then unable to reverse. A few turnings later and I was thoroughly lost. There is a school of thought which says you should consult a map on these occasions, but to such people I merely say, 'Ha! What if you have no map to consult? What if you have a map but it's of the Dordogne?' My own strategy is to find a car, or the nearest equivalent, which looks as if it knows where it's going and follow it. I rarely end up where I was intending to go, but often I end up somewhere that I needed to be. So what have you to say to that?"

"Piffle."

"A robust respone. I salute you."

"I was going to say that I do the same thing myself sometimes, but I've decided not to admit that yet."

"Very wise," said Dirk. "You don't want to give away too much at this point. Play it enigmatic is my advice."

"I don't want your advice. Where were you trying to get before suddenly deciding that driving seventeen miles in the opposite direction would help you get there?"

[...]

"I see," said Dirk. "You have, if I may say so, the air of one to whom the day has not been a source of joy or spiritual enrichment."

"Too damn right, it hasn't", said Kate. "I.ve had the sort of day that would make St Francis of Assisi kick babies. Particularly if you include Tuesday in with today, which is the last time i was actually concious. And now look. My beautiful car. The only thing I can say in favour of the whole shebang is that at least I'm not in Ohio."

"I can see how that might cheer you."

[...]

"... I think you will agree, Miss Schechter, that my methods of navigation have their advantages. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."


From:

The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B that so many people from point A are so keen to get there. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicably.

There is another theory which states that this has aleady happened....

There is yet a third theory which suggests that both of the first two theories were concocted by a wily editor of The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy in order to increase the level of universal uncertainty and paranoia and so boost sales of the Guide. This last theory is of course the most convincing, because The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy is the only book in the whole of the known Universe to have the words "DON'T PANIC" inscribed in large friendly letters on the cover.